Your Guide to The Plan
Q: So what's the plan?
A: The plan is to stick with the plan! If it ain't broke don't fix it.
Q: Why do we need the plan?
A: To stop terrorists like Saddam bin Laden from building another World Trade Center in Iraq - just so they can blow it up again.
Q: That would be horrible! How is the plan stopping them?
A: The plan is the central front in the war against terror! We invaded Iraq to get Iraqis to fight us in Iraq so they wouldn't fight us at home.
Q: The plan has cleverly lured them to where they already were, only in terrorist form!
A: Now you're catchin on!
Q: Hey, I know! We should invade like a small cardboard box. When all the terrorists attack there, we'll jump out of the way, tape up the box, and throw it in the ocean! No more terrorists!
A: Hey! No peeking ahead at the plan!
Q: Do we have enough troops for the plan?
A: The plan hasn't asked for any more troops. Why would it ask for more troops?
Q: Well I just heard...
A: We got tons a troops! Wooo! We're in a whole room fulla troops! Can't swing a stick without hittin a troop.
Q: Oh well that is a big relief! I was hearin alllll this crazy talk about "we don't got any troops" an I was all...
A: But you should sign up and become a troop.
Q: I thought you didn't need troops.
A: We don't! Nope, don't need troops at all.
Q: Okay, whew, that's good!
A: Pleeeeennnty a troops.
Q: Okay well if that's all -
A: But sign up anyway! Just for shits n giggles.
Q: How can I help the plan?
A: The best thing you can do to help the plan is support our troops, like with one a those car ribbons that says "Support Our Troops."
Q: Oh no - I do not own a car! How can I properly use it to help the plan?
A: Quick! Stick it to your head! Your head!
Q: Oh no, it is magnetic! It will not stay on!
A: Use the tape, the TAPE!
Q: It's falling off! It's FALLING OFF!
A: Thirty-one to base, we have a ribbon down! Repeat, we have a ribbon down!
Q: How long will the plan take?
A: The plan will be finished when there is no more terror. All around the world terror will cease to exist. When you are about to feel terrified you will feel something else, like sleepy or ticklish or hungry.
Q: Like you'll get attacked by a bear and go "Man I could go for a pizza"! What will happen to terrorists?
A: Terrorists will still pop up but because there's no more terror they will just have to work through the political process like everybody else. Hezbollah will threaten massive leafleting campaigns. ETA will make frequent appearances on Special Report with Brit Hume. Al Qaeda will run a third-party candidate for town council on a platform of zoning reform and school choice.
Q: What happens if the plan fails?
A: Then the world is eaten. By terror.
A: Yes. Eaten by terror. What's something you like?
A: All eaten. By terror.
Q: Noooooooo! Unless... we stick with the plan!
A: Smart thinking! And that's the plan.